ME (in the driveway, fiddling with Runtastic): Frodo's enthusiasm for our walks shames me.
FRODO: Oh, what a glorious morning! The sun is shining! Hark at that bird singing! What, is that a rabbit I smell? Huzzah!
ME: Wow, that sure was a doozy of a storm we had early this morning.
FRODO: Smell the leaf, smell the branch, smell the leaf, smell the leaf, smell the stick, smell the branch, smell the dead snake--ACK! Dude, mom, easy on the leash.
ME: Oh, what a pretty picture that would make!
FRODO: Why are we stopping? Is it time to pee? I really prefer to pee in that immaculately groomed yard up the road.
ME: Whoa, it's a live armadillo. They DO exist. Huh. They're sort of bouncy little suckers, aren't they?
FRODO: IT'S AN ALIEN! I MUST SNIFF IT! I MUST VANQUISH IT FROM THAT AZALEA
BUSH! WHY ARE YOU YANKING ON MY LEASH AGAIN, WOMAN??? DON'T
YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS IN DANGER????? LOOK! IT'S THAT NEIGHBOR
WHO WORKS AT THE SCHOOL! WITH A TEENAGER! AND A
DOOOOOOOGGGGG! MY GOD, WE ARE SURROUUNNDDEDDDD!
ME: I need a Valium.