Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Thoughts While In the Car Rider Line: The Star Wars Edition

At River's school, they have what is known as the Car Rider Line, where you drop off and pick up your kids if they don't take the bus.  As a tree-hugging type of person, I would prefer for River to take the bus, but in order to get her to school via bus, I'd have to get two kids ready for school by seven o'clock, which is ridiculous if you consider that Jeffrey is like seventeen kids (none of which are old enough to help the younger ones put their socks on) and I have to get up at five if I want to make it out the door without tucking my robe into my sweatpants and pretending it's a shirt because they like for you to be dressed when you drop your kids off at the middle school.  Also, although our house is seriously less than a mile from the school, it takes an hour for it to get to our house after school and last year, a tornado warning happened right about the time the bus was NOT at our house and I almost lost my mind.

Walking her to school or sticking her in the WeeGo and riding her on the bike is an option only if I like to play chicken with the logging trucks that barrel down the major highway outside of our neighborhood.

We do the Car Rider Line.  Mkay?  Mkay.

Anyway, the Car Rider Line is usually where River and I talk about her day or her favorite books or something warm and family-friendly, but some days River is mad at me because she has to go to the variety show practice instead of Girl Scouts or I've made her wear a coat or told her that Tuesday comes after Monday and so I zone out instead of listening to her sob in the backseat.

And by "some days," I mean enough that "Thoughts While In the Car Rider Line" will probably be a semi-regular feature.  Enjoy.

"Huh, it's one of those car stick figure family stickers things."
"Is that zombies?"
"No, not zombies...ooooohhhh, Star Wars."
"Wait. Dude, no."
"Soooo, I know Darth Vader is the most recognizable male figure in terms of stick figureness, and probably Princess Leia is the most recognizable female--because let's be honest, there were...what...TWO of them in the whole thing--but THEY CANNOT BE THE MOM AND DAD STICK FIGURES."
"Intergalactic incest."
"But, I suppose that you could make the argument that, like, Dad ran off and Grandpa is the head of the family. Still, no. I'm gonna go with no."
"Are the kids two storm troopers?"
"Arrrrggggh! My kids are evil, mindless thugs of doom in masks that are hard to see in...."
"No, that's Boba Fett and a storm trooper. Which...I guess makes sense, really. In a cloney kind of way. Sort of."
"Is that Jango Fett, instead?"
"Does it matter? Let's be honest, the last three movies pretty much killed me dead with Jar Jar and Hayden, so I have no idea if I'm getting the canon right."
"I need a fricking Cliff Notes for the last three Star Wars before the new one."
"Ohmagawd, they better not kill the new one. The new one needs to be AWWWEEESOMMME." (Sung.)
"An ATAT as the family pet."
"Yeah, no. Those things are too big. Maybe...R2D2. Or, wait, EWOK."
"But then, you know, the Ewoks were an indigenous people who rebelled against imperial forces, so, I probably shouldn't go there."
"Gah, Heather, imperialist much?"
Cue Darth Vader masky breathing sound. "Come to the Dark Side, Heather. We squash indigenous people."
"I'm hungry."


  1. Lol! I'm glad I'm not the only one to have these conversations with myself (not about Star Wars, though).